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What if?

My worst enemy is the question What if?

About a month ago I got home from work and crawled into bed where my boyfriend was laying actually not sleeping..he rolled over and popped a question!!! No it was not will you marry me! But it was what do you think of Kansas City?

I replied with, “Kansas City?! What about it??”

Michael, “Well like everything about it…like what if we lived there.”

At that point in time I felt like my world was finally going in the right direction and I had goals and plans and a future job and only a year left of school but now this like are you fucking shitting me!! (pardon the language but that is exactly what when through my head).

The point of this story is for the past month all I have been able to think about is the what ifs with my life?

For example:

  • What if Michael and I broke up after I moved?
  • What if I can’t find a job?
  • What if something happens to my family back home?
  • Home is now 6 and a half hours away.
  • Like what if I stayed in town and Michael moved?

I have never been good with change through out my life! I don’t even know how to talk to him about it and what the outcomes of our relationship could be due to this move…Did I mention all of our family and friends live here? Like we would be pretty much starting over from scratch!!!

Does any one else out there in this blogging world have issues with the what if’s in life and the unknown!!!

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